Thursday, August 17, 2006

This is for you.. SJ

I'm writing this entry for my colleague, SJ.

Somehow.. what she has gone through is almost the same as what I've gone through in 2001..

All because of a broken relationship..

Deep wounds in the heart take a long time to heal..

Upon healing, it left an ugly scar..

The scar that make you feel inferior.. that make you feel like you are never good enough.. you are no longer perfect..

It left a dark shadow.. that blinded you with its darkness..

You can't see.. your future.. yourself.. It engulfs you slowly..

You felt like falling into a bottomless pit.. Falling.. and falling..

Once in a while, someone manages to hold you and stop you from falling.. But you slipped away.. and continues falling.. You see the light getting further away.. You know you can't come out of it any more..

Then.. you stop falling.. You fell onto a hard ground.. A heart-wrecking pain..
The pain slowly goes away.. As you wander aimlessly in the dark, a light shone upon you..
You felt another sharp pain in your eyes..

Suddenly you felt someone holding your hands.. It's warm.. You felt secure.. It felt familar.. You instantly thought it was that person who pushed you into this darkness.. You felt happy cos' you thought he came back into your life, pulling up out from this darkness..

Then you realised.. this feeling is warmer.. It's not him.. You felt even better..
You opened your eyes.. You see someone else..

You realised it's someone new.. You haven't seen him before.. His looks so unfamilar.. yet you felt as though you have known him for some time..

Memories flooded your mind.. You have met him before.. but paid no attention.. Your mind didn't open the door to let him through.. He's been waiting.. and waiting for the chance to enter your life..

By a small chance, he was let through.. He saw you.. wandering aimlessly.. He reached out for you, to guide you back into the light..

Like bleach to stain.. your past memories slowly faded away.. You learn to accept this new person in your life..

After so long.. you finally felt free..

Free to accept a totally new relationship.. Free to accept a new love..

To SJ (if you ever chanced upon my blog)..
Letting go is not easy.. Erasing him from your memories can never be done.. No matter how much you wanted him dead, he will still be alive and probably lives a better life than you..
Sometimes.. God just like to challenge you with such small trivial matters..

So.. you must live even better.. Let him realise that without him, you are happier. The failed relationship will make you a better lover.. Let God know that you are stronger than what he thinks..

A smile will kill him faster than a stare/ glare... The next time you see him, don't stare/ glare at him.. give him your sweetest smile..

I pray for you to be, feel and live better than before..

1 comment:

SJ said...

=(

I am so lousy and useless. I knew this is going to be a game and yet I still persist even though I knew from the beginning I will lose. I really lost... and I still hold on to the hope that he will turn back one day. I still find excuses for him, still speak up for him when the whole world condemns him. I still want to believe he meant all that he said and did for me... God cannot save me this time... I lost everything. He took away everything when he left