Monday, May 29, 2006

I'm not afaid of death.. I'm only afraid seeing death..

Even when my bf bought me a tote bag from Nike (after countless efforts of finding the Adidas bag that I like very much).. Even when my bf bought me Revlon's 07 Spring Moss Eyeshadow (despite knowing that I already own 01 Copper Spice and 05 Blushed Wines) ....

Nothing can release me from the sadness that I'm having now...

My maternal grandma died.. as of tonight.. 28th May 2006..

I'll never get to see her beady eyes and big wide smile and I'll never get to hear her talking to me in Cantonese which, after so many years, I barely could understand what she's telling me..

She struggled for almost 8 years.. illness after illness.. She was still so strong and healthy when she was still living in the old farm at Upper Thomson.. After being asked to evict, and moving to the urban estates, her health gradually worsen..

Then she started changing her religious beliefs to Christianity at the grand old age of 90 (because of my eldest uncle, even when the rest of the family objected).. Just last year, at the age of 92, she hesitated and wanted to go back to Taoism but somehow my eldest uncle told her out of it.. Maybe she's afraid of death.. Maybe she thought Jesus or Goddess of Mercy can spare her from dying..

May be...

Everyone were already well-prepared for the worst.. Grandma already having problems eating and drinking during the past month.. Seeing her in such painful state, I rather wish that she can be released from such misery..

And now... she's released..

Peacefully in her sleep, she left us.. Without pain.. Without tears..

Grandma, please rest in peace and giving us your blessings.. I will always miss you.

In memory of my dearest Grandma..

1 comment:

Tiff said...

sad to hear condolences.